Kick-Ass: The Onion Experiment
by Tiger42
Summary: A year after the result of Kick-Ass 2, Kick-Ass meets a mysterious individual. Rating is for swearing, and maybe more.
1. The Kidnapping

**(A/N) this is my first fanfic. Please rate, and review. If you want to beta my stories, let me know. (A/N)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kick-Ass, but if I did, I would be psyched!**

Dave Lizewski was up late one night training, when his cellphone buzzed. He looked down and saw he received a text from an unknown number. He ignored it and continued to train. His phone buzzed again and he received another text from the same number. He wondered if they could be in dire need of help, and reaching out to Kick-Ass when he realized that only his two best friends have his number: Marty and Todd. He picked up his phone to see if maybe they got a new cellphone and where texting him their new number. He saw the text and wondered if it could perhaps be a joke. The first text read "meet behind Murphy's Bar at 11:38, and don't be late. The second text read "Or you'll regret it." "Shit!" he murmured, this couldn't be a joke, the only people who knew what he did at Murphy's Bar was Justice Forever, and Chris D'amico. Justice forever wouldn't have sent this type of text to him, even as a joke, but Chris D'amico was dead. Dave realize that whoever could figure out his number and knew his secret identity was not someone to mess around with so he picked up his costume and headed to the bathroom. After he was suited up, he reached under the sink to grab his two sticks that he hid there. He quickly ran down the stairs and hopped onto his bike.

Dave thought back to that fateful day, almost a year ago. He shivered. He could still see Chris D'amico slip from his grip and fall into his shark tank. His happiness that he survived, and the shark that quickly ended his life. He could still remember when Mindy left New York. The realization that he was on his own really only hit him a week after she left. He encountered a group of drug dealers who beat him to a pulp. He barely managed to escape with his life. He came back to the safe house missing Mindy's presence, even her scolding would have been welcome, as long as he wasn't alone. He tried to enlist Todd's help, he helped him out every now and then but not reliably, and Marty was going to Harvard to get his law degree, so he couldn't help either. He hasn't done much since that day a year ago. Stopped a mugger here and there, and a couple of drug dealers too. "Speak of the devil." Dave said as he saw a mugger mugging a college student. He got off his bike and approached them with his fighting sticks drawn. "Hey!" He shouted "leave her alone!" The mugger just hollered back "just walk away, this ain't none of your business." Kick-Ass stood there for a second wondering why that sounded familiar when he realized that was pretty much what he was told in his first encounter in costume. "Well, I hope this goes better than that time." He mumbled under his breath. He thought he saw a quick flash of black in the corner of his eye, but when he looked again, no one was there. He shrugged it off "This is my business!" He shouted charging forward. The mugger turned around. "Oh fuck!" He yelled fleeing the scene. "Are you okay?" He asked the college girl. "I'm fine, but thanks though." "No problem." She picked up her books and walked to what Kick-Ass assumed must have been the direction of her dwelling, or her friend's dwelling. "Shit, I'm gonna be late!" He exclaimed. He quickly found his bike and started to pedal furiously to Murphy's Bar.

He arrived and ditched his bicycle near a street lamp. He looked at his watch. It read 11:39. "Aww crap, this can't be good." Suddenly he saw a note on the ground. He picked it up and read it. It said "I told you not to be late! Now you will pay the price." Kick-Ass looked up worried. "This guy meant serious business." he thought. He looked around nervously. He thought he heard a rustling in the building to his right. He looked up but saw only blackness. Suddenly he felt a bag was thrown on him. He struggled, but before he could get the bag off of his head, someone tightened the string until it was practically choking him. Someone lifted him up and threw him into what he thought was the back of a van. Shortly after, the van started rumbling, and quickly sped down the road. Every turn the van took threw Kick-Ass around in the back. "what do they want with me?" he wondered "I haven't stopped anyone in weeks, why now?" The van took a final turn before slamming on its breaks. The doors flew open and he was put into a chair and handcuffed. The unknown kidnapper took off the bag covering his face. His eyes struggled to adjust to the bright light that was shining right into his face. The kidnapper turned the light out of his face and pointed at the floor. Kick-Ass' eyes finally adjusted. Kick-Ass had a startled expression that the kidnapper could obviously see.

"Miss me?"


	2. The Guest

**(A/N) this is my first fanfic. Please rate, and review. If you want to beta my stories, let me know. (A/N)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kick-Ass, but if I did, I would be the happiest man on Earth!**

"Mindy?" Kick-Ass asked. "What was that for?" "Well," she said "you're late, and I love seeing that look on your face." "Couldn't you have sent me a text, or an email like a normal person, rather than kidnapping me and making me think that I'm about to die?" "Valid question, but what gave you the idea that I was a normal person?" " Nice to see you again Mindy." "Nice to see you too." "So, what brings you back to New York. I thought you were on the run." Mindy turned bright red for a split second before turning back to normal. "Well, I wanted to make sure it was in good hands and I also wanted to give you a warning." "What's happened?" "Well, it turns out that the Mother Fucker is not dead." "Chris survived the fall, and the shark attack?" "Yeah, it turns out that the shark only took off his left leg. Oh yeah, and his dick." "Ouch, that sounds painful." "I'm only sad that the shark beat me too it." "Anyways, why are you telling me all this, you could easily take him out." "I was trying to avoid this conversation too soon, but some asshole tore a hole in my right leg." "Jesus Mindy, I thought you had Kevlar, or something." "It turns out that he had armor piercing rounds. Anyways I was wondering if I could move in with you for a little while." "Sure, just promise me one thing." "What?" "You will never contact me after six months by kidnapping me." "Fine." Kick-Ass and Mindy got in the van and drove back to Murphy's bar to pick up Dave's bike.

After arriving at Dave's house, Mindy took out her suitcase with her belongings and carried them inside. "Do you want me to carry your bags Mindy?" "Even with a hole in my leg, I think I can still manage better than you." Mindy got settled into her new residents recuperating from her wounded leg refusing to go to the hospital since it was obviously gun wounds and that would start too many unwanted questions. Dave returned to his new job at Atomic Comics on monday and texted Todd that he wanted to meet with him at Atomic Comics around noon. Todd came in at 12:42. "Todd, hows it going?'. "Pretty good, I brought you a burger from the diner." "Thanks." "So what is this all important meeting that you need to call me from rush hour, this is when I get the most tips." "Todd, you're the fry cook, you don't get tipped." "But I like to imagine that if I would, that this would be the time." "Anyways, lets not get too far off topic since I have good and bad news. The good news being Hit-Girl is back!" "That's good, what's the bad news?" "Chris D'amico is back too." "But MC Shark tore him up and killed him." "Nope it turns out its just his left leg and his dick." "Ouch thats gotta hurt." "But there is worse news." "What now?" "Hit-Girl is incapacitated for a while, she got shot in her leg." "Doesn't she wear Kevlar or something?" "Yes, but she said it was armor piercing rounds, but what I can't figure out is who would use armor piercing rounds."

Dave came home around 6:00 and he was shocked when he saw that his door was slightly ajar. He bolted inside scared that he was robbed. He through open the door, and ice cold water poured down on him. Mindy was at the top of his stairs watching him and laughing uncontrollably. "Really Mindy?" he said. "What else was I supposed to do with so much extra time on my hands. "This needs to stop, I can't come home and get pneumonia. I'm sorry but here, in my house, there will be no pranks okay." "Fine" she replied grumpily. Dave felt sorry for getting rid of Mindy's sense of fun, but eventually he realized he could sleep without having to worry about waking up covered in snakes, or any other semi lethal prank that Mindy was bound to try one day or another.

Meanwhile, in Lonelyville NY NY, Chris D'amico was deciding on how to get back at Kick-Ass, Hit-Girl, and Justice Forever for ruining his plans in one of the many houses the D'amico family owned for security purposes. "Those assholes will pay! There going to remember not to fuck around with The Mother Fucker! Julio, I need my Ibuprofen again, the throbbing pain is returning." "In a minute, I just have to beat this asshole, hes kicking my ass in street fighter." "JULIO!" "okay, okay, no need to yell, Ill get you your damn Ibuprofen, the only reason I don't give you the box is because I'm afraid you'll stuff it down my throat." "Hasn't been the first time that thought has crossed my mind. Tell me again, why did I hire you?" "My cousin, Javier was killed by some thugs, and I want to avenge him." "Ohh yeah, we're going to hit them tonight." "In your condition?" "Of course not, but don't ruin the moment!"


	3. Reclaiming The Family

**(A/N) This is my first fanfic. Please rate, and review. If you want to beta my stories, let me know. (A/N)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kick-Ass, but if I did, you can bet that I would have a life!**

The time is 3:13 am and an unmarked black town car pulls up towards Rikers prison. "Come on Julio, nows your time to avenge Javiers death. I would go with you, but I'm missing a leg." "But Chris, are you sure-" "Just move asshole, the longer we wait the less chance of success we have!" "Okay, okay, I'm going." Julio got out of the car and walked to the visitors center. He pulled a ski mask over his head and drew his pistol. He pointed it at the guard at the guard post. "Take me to Ralph D'amico, now!" The guard jumped, but did as he was told since there was a gun pressed to his forehead."Who are you?" the guard asked. "Tony, Tony Ramirez." "Here hey Mr. Ramirez, know please don't kill me." The guard said with a whimper. Julio knocked him unconscious and opened the door with the key from the guard. He stepped in and saw Ralph D'amico laying their sleeping. "This is for my cousin you asshole!" he muttered right before he squeezed the trigger and left a gaping hole in between his eyes.

Dave woke up to the news from the television going on downstairs at 6 o'clock in the morning. He got up to turn it off when he saw Mindy on the couch watching the news. "MIndy, could you not wake me up so early in the mornings?" "Sorry Dave, but Chris' uncle just got murdered." "Chris has an uncle?" "He had one, but he was locked up at Rikers Prison." "Jesus, don't they have high security there?" "Yeah meaning that this was either an inside job, or an announcement from The Mother Fucker that he and the Toxic Mega Cunts are back and ready for another thrashing." "I sure hope that it was an inside job, if you put it that way!" "Unfortunately for you, the guard said that the man who killed Chris' Uncle was a man by the name of Tony Ramirez, sound familiar?" "No, why?" "When you just became Kick-Ass, that was the guy who Chris turned in to become Red Mist." "Meaning..." "Meaning that he is back to kill the rest of the D'amico family, or that Chris is using him as the scapegoat again to distract attention from himself." "Mindy, I have no idea how you can process all this information so early, but me, I can barely manage to get myself to work every morning." "I need to get back to my previous state so we can take him down for good." "Mindy, you have a hole in your leg and-" "Actually it only ripped into my back of the leg, it didnt rupture any arteries or anything like that, just a couple of veins, so would you please stop acting like I have my leg amputated."But... well...anyways, you're hurt, we can talk again in a month or so." "Fine." "Thank you, know I'm going to get a little more sleep before I have to go to work, so try and not to wake me." "Okay." Dave walked to his bed and promptly fell asleep."

The buzzing of Dave's alarm at 6:51 jolted him awake. He looked up at the time and quickly got ready for work. He ran outside and hopped on his bike and pedaled furiously to work. He busted into Atomic Comics right when his shift started, at 7:20. He plopped down behind the counter and breathed heavily, in a furious attempt to catch his breath. A client came up to the counter and coughed. "Excuse me?" "They said. "Hmm?, oh yes sorry." replied dave,"That will be Six dollars and Fifty-One cents please." "Dave looks up to see if the man heard him. "Marty! Why didnt you tell me you were coming back. I was going to, but I figured that I might as well surprise you." "How is Harvard?" "Its fine, life just isn't the same without, the, you know." "Oh yeah." "Speaking of wich, are you still doing it?" "On and off, nothing too stable although I might come back. "Good, since we might need you soon." "Why?" "The Mother Fucker is back."

Back in LonelyVille...

"That was amazing!" "Welcome to the Toxic Mega Cunts Julio." "Sweet, I've always wanted to be a part of a group like this, when do I get my costume?" "You will get one soon, right after we free the rest of our members." "Whens that gonna be?" "Hopefully in around two months or so, right when all this dies down, and prison security returns to normal." "Fine with me, I can finally beat this guy in street fighter." Julio walks towards his PS3 and starts practicing his street fighter skills. Chris D'amico walks to the pantry and removes a couple floorboards and hopes into the darkness below. He stands up and carefully puts the floorboards back. "That idiot is following the plan perfectly, in a two months, my team will rise again and put that asshole Dave where he belongs. In the grave, with his father." Chris gloats to himself while descending down a ladder even further into the darkness.

**(A/N) I try to make everything as real as possible (similar to the Kick-Ass Comic Books and Films). I'm saying this because Lonelyville NY NY is a place (A/N)**


End file.
